Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you…

From the “So Absurd It Has To Be Real Department” comes the Drone Survival Guide.  I’m gonna keep mine on my phone because when you see one of these, it very well could mean one of two things: 1) you’re being targeted for immediate  termination with extreme prejudice or 2) you’re being surveilled for the purpose of indefinitely detaining you (and/or someone you are with)…and/or eventual termination with extreme prejudice.  Good times!

As you may or may not know, The Washington Post and The Guardian recently won a Pulitzer for their role in releasing the Edward Snowden documents, a number of which dealt with drones.

Check out the site–Drone Survival Guide–for download in your language.  Some useful info from the English version–apparently it is not impossible to hide from drones:

1. Day camouflage: Hide in the shadows of buildings or trees. Use thick forests as natural camouflage or use camouflage nets.

2. Night camouflage: Hide inside buildings or under protection of trees or foliage. Do not use flashlights or vehicle spot lights, even at long distances. Drones can easily spot these during night missions.

3. Heat camouflage: Emergency blankets (so-called space blankets) made of Mylar can block infrared rays. Wearing a space blanket as a poncho at night will hide your heat signature from infrared detection. Also in summer when the temperature is between 36°C and 40°C, infrared cameras cannot distinguish between body and its surroundings.

4. Wait for bad weather. Drones cannot operate in high winds, smoke, rainstorms, or heavy weather conditions.

5. No wireless communication. Using mobile phones or GPS-based communication will compromise your location.

6. Spreading reflective pieces of glass or mirrored material on a car on a roof will confuse the drone’s camera.

7. Decoys. Use mannequins or human-sized dolls to mislead the drone’s reconnaissance.

The guide I have provided above is useful mainly for identifying shapes of drones you see from the ground, not for reading the names of the drones. Apparently a legible copy of the poster will set you back 10 euro at the Drone Survival Guide site.  And in case you doubt the advice given above from the Survival Guide, particularly regarding mobile phones, rest assured that it’s no joke, as Glenn Greenwald (who was responsible for much of the above-mentioned Pulitzer-winning reporting on the Snowden documents) and Jeremy Scahill mention here:

In one tactic, the NSA “geolocates” the SIM card or handset of a suspected terrorist’s mobile phone, enabling the CIA and U.S. military to conduct night raids and drone strikes to kill or capture the individual in possession of the device.

The former JSOC drone operator is adamant that the technology has been responsible for taking out terrorists and networks of people facilitating improvised explosive device attacks against U.S. forces in Afghanistan. But he also states that innocent people have “absolutely” been killed as a result of the NSA’s increasing reliance on the surveillance tactic.

A “suspected terrorist” could be anybody, even you, or anyone who simply is in the vicinity of your phone.  This should absolutely terrify everyone.  But not so much so that we are frozen into inaction.  Have a little outrage along with that terror.  A lot of outrage, even better.

And for good measure, here’s another guide to domestic spy drones: KNOW YOUR DRONES.